Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 

Internet Style
 A festive holiday poem
 Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
  'Twas the night before Christmas, 
when all through the Net,
  There were hacker's a surfing. 
Geeks? Yeah, you bet.

  The e-mails were stacked by
 the modem with care,
  In hopes that St. Nicholas 
soon would be there.

  The newbies were nestled 
all snug by their screens,
  While visions of Java 
danced in their dreams.

  My wife on the sofa 
and me with a snack,
  We just settled down 
at my rig (it's a Mac).

  When out in the Web 
there arose such a clatter,
  I jumped to the site 
to see what was the matter.

  To a new page my Mac
 flew like a flash,
  Then made a slight gurgle. 
It started to crash!!

  I gasped at the thought 
and started to grouse,
  Then turned my head sideways 
and clicked on my mouse.

  When what to my wondering
 eyes should appear,
  My Mac jumped to a page
 that wasn't quite clear.

  When the image resolved, 
so bright and so quick,
  I knew in a moment
 it must be St. Nick!

  More rapid than mainframes, 
more graphics they came,
  Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
  my Mac called them by name;

  "Now Compaq! Now Acer!", 
my speaker did reel;
  "On Apple! On Gateway!" 
Santa started to squeal!

  "Jump onto the circuits! 
And into the chip!
  Now speed it up! Speed it up! 
Make this thing hip!"

  The screen gave a flicker, 
he was into my RAM,
  Then into my room 
rose a full hologram!

  He was dressed in all red, 
from his head to his shoes,
  Which were black 
(the white socks he really should lose).

  He pulled out some discs 
he had stored in his backpack.
  Santa looked like a dude
who was rarin' to hack!

  His eyes, how they twinkled! 
His glasses, how techno!
  This ain't the same Santa 
that I used to know!

  With a wink of his eye 
and a nod of his head,
  Santa soon let me know 
I had nothing to dread.

  He spoke not a word, 
gave my Mac a quick poke,
  And accessed my C drive
 with only a stroke.

  He defragged my hard drive, 
and added a SIMM,
  Then threw in some cool games, 
just on a whim!

  He worked without noise, 
his fingers they flew!
  He distorted some pictures 
with Kai's Power Goo!

  He updated Office, 
Excel and Quicken,
  Then added a screensaver 
with a red clucking chicken!

  My eyes widened a bit, 
my mouth stood agape,
  As he added the latest 
version of Netscape.

  The drive gave a whirl, 
as if it were pleased,
  St. Nick coyly smiled, 
the computer appeased.

  Then placing his finger 
on the bridge of his nose,
  Santa turned into nothing 
but ones and zeros!

  He flew back into my screen 
and through my uplink,
  Back into the net 
with barely a blink.

  But I heard his sweet voice 
as he flew from my sight,
  "Happy surfing to all, 
and to all a good byte!"